Five Simple Things (January 8)

Hello.

Still enjoying the downtime and selfcare from the last year. We've been working on more time at home and focusing on what's important. The day I came home from the hospital wasn't great. Abuse is something that I am still trying to recover from through my childhood and at times, the abusers don't seem to grasp the concept that I need to avoid them. There are times were I question my own reactions and responses to the abuse, but at the time I did the best I could with what I knew. I wish I could go back and give my younger self a hug and tell her it's okay, it's going to be okay, and you'll turn out okay. I think things would have been better for me if I had just one person in my life then to tell me that they believe in me and they support me. The phrase of, "The abused becomes the abuser" isn't true. We are all responsible for our own choices in life and at times the abuser doesn't want to see others abused the same why they were. This week has been rough. I have a heart monitor on to record my high levels of anxiety and figure out the triggers, but I already know the triggers, and right now I am avoiding them and focusing on me. Some may say that's selfish, but you wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to walk it off. Hopefully the coming days will be less triggering and the people that cause it take a hard look at themselves and realize you can't live your life like you are and still consider me part of it. Here are five things this week.

1. This Tree.

Our city's Christmas tree this year. There wasn't a tree-lighting "ceremony" this year because of the pandemic, we never go anyway, but we took a few minutes one night and took some shots of it. The last storm took out the top of the tree and it was a bit shorter than in previous years, but it was still pretty against the park background.

2.This Chocolate.

We've been switching our foods over to more USDA organic options and one of the options I've been enjoying is how good organic chocolate tastes. This snowman was in my stocking from "Santa Claus" and it was delicious. I've also found a great online store that offers a great selection of organic treats and vegan options. Check them out here!

3. This Kitty.

 

Whoever tossed this cat out is an idiot. She's been such a great cat. She turned four on December 11 and her personality is coming around. She literally has such a great demeanor to her and I love that she likes me. 

4. This House.

Another Christmas gift of mine. It's a small greenhouse and I've had my eye on it for awhile. It was supposed to be a Mother's Day gift for me, but at the time that Skylar and Jeff went to get it they were sold out. So, it's technically a Mother's Day/Christmas gift, but either way, I love it. I spent New Year's Day putting it together and it was well worth it. You can get one here.

5. This Light.

This was another one of my Christmas gifts and I love it because it reminds me again of Meia. I use this light at night to look for things on my nightstand instead of turning the big light on. I just love it. I want to glue some small felt ears to the top to make it even more realistic for me. You can get one here.

Our latest podcast episode is out. Check it out at the page link above this blog.

Positive affirmations this week: "What's been empowering you lately?" 

Being able to set boundaries with myself and distancing myself from those that don't build me up. 2021 is going to be the year of change for me. Changing how I associate with people. I've gotten to a point where I don't want to engage in people pleasing and negative energy. There is one thing I would like to say to these people (even blood relatives): You should learn to build others up and not tear them down. Here's to living my best life!

Have a nice weekend.

Five Simple Things (January 1)

Hello.

Happy New Year. Here we are; 2020 is over. That's worth celebrating, right? This past week has been overwhelming and we had to call an ambulance, yet again. My anxiety makes my heart feel like it's going to explode. The paramedics hooked me up to a heart monitor and told me that my heart rate is high, but not at critical levels. I now have a heart monitor placed on my chest for the next 14 days to monitor my anxiety and panic attacks. I've been getting lightheaded and nauseous and according to my doctor, this is all anxiety related. With my age I was worried it could be angina, and with both of my parents having heart issues and my grandmother dying of a heart-related issue, it does scare me. What annoys me the most is people that don't understand, tell me things to try. Like I haven't already tried them. I know they are just trying to help, but it gets annoying. Like, "What you need is a coloring book." A coloring book isn't going to help with past child abuse issues, PTSD, and trauma-related thoughts. Sure it helps calm the nerves, but when they are overwhelming, you need more than crayons. I've been placed on Lorazepam for when it's overwhelming and that's been taking the edge off. I've been in therapy, too. It's going well so far and hopefully, over time it helps. -sans coloring book. Here are five things this week.

1. This Pouch.

I got this little pouch for Christmas this year and I love it. One, it reminds me of Meia and two, it's perfect for a coin pouch, or lipstick pouch. I noticed it a few weeks before Christmas at our local food co-op and I was so thrilled that Jeff and Skylar got it for me.

2. This Subscription.

Yogi Surprise sent their December box this week. I love several items from this month's box. The Ashwagandha Cinnamon Chai Latte Tea is great and I really love the Honé nose diffuser. Those two are definitely my favorites.

3. These Lights.

We drove around looking at the Christmas lights this past week. Since the pandemic I feel people went all out this year on their lights. There were quite a lot of good displays around the cities. 

4. These Moments.

After lots of testing and being placed on a heart monitor overnight, I was sent home with a heart monitor to keep track of anxiety spikes. All of it is just overwhelming. One thing that made me feel better was Skylar facetiming with me and putting Eleven on the screen. That kitty is attached to me and she was meowing looking for me through the house. She saw me on the screen and started licking it. Skylar is awesome and I am truly loved and it helps a great deal with my trauma issues knowing this.

5. This Test.

Just for fun we thought we take these drug tests. We found these at the local dollar store and wondered if they actually worked. Jeff and Skylar were negative, but mine showed two lines as well we I definitely have THC in my system. So, our conclusion is, we don't know if they work for being positive, but they definitely work for coming up negative.

Did you get a glimpse of the Cold Moon on December 30?

Positive affirmations this week: Reframe the way you think of things in your mind. My therapist recently told me to record a new message on the tape recorder that plays over and over in my head. So, instead of saying, "What if this happens," or "What if that happens," change it to "Since I always take precautions, it should be okay," or "Since I've done my best, there's nothing that will happen." It takes some time to change, but it does help with worrisome and anxious feelings. A lot of the things that play in my head are statements from my past. Statements from others that I'm not good enough and never will be, I'm ugly, I'm not enough, I'm not smart, I'm a failure, and I was even told by someone that they hate me. Unfortunately, a lot of these statements came from family and people that I should have trusted. I've come along way in the last couple of years by reversing that tape that plays with those statements. I've changed those statements to, I am good enough to the right people, I am beautiful, I am smart because I do things like X or Y better than most, I may fail, but I always get to try again, and lastly, being hated is an issue with that person and not me. Simple changes of these statements really are a great benefit to your mental health. Hopefully, this helps you, too.

Have a nice weekend.

Five Simple Things (November 20)

Hello.

We are finally and completely out of the wildfire threats in Oregon. The ones that were close to us are now contained and a lot of the smaller ones have been completely contained. It's sad to hear that more people perished in the fires and the way Talent, Oregon, looks is devastating. I feel so much empathy for the people in Talent that not only lost their house, but also their place of work. During this pandemic it's just heartbreaking to hear the stories of some of these families. Here on our side we are slowly cleaning ash up in random places. Of course, our pool was a casualty of the ash, but we've had to clean out some of our gutters, along parts of the roof, and also along our fence line. It's weird seeing so much ash here. A lot of our plants look dead right now and I hope we didn't lose any of them during this time. We replanted our crabapple before the wildfires happened and we are worried it might not make it because of the smoke blocking the sun. Fingers crossed it pulls through. Here are five things this week.

1. This Memorial.

We still love the fact that we honored Baz in such a public way. He really was a great dog and it's nice to be able to know he is part of us still and we get to see him every time we leave the house and look at the Free Little Library. We have plans to put a lower hook and honor Meia with a "cat hook." And, an even lower one maybe eventually for the ducks. 

2. This Spatula. 

This wooden spatula is actually a rice spatula, but we have been using it for everything lately. It's USDA organic and made from sustainable bamboo. I picked this one up at Might Nest here.

3. This Rainbow.

It's nice to see glimpses of a rainbow right now, especially after this past summer. There isn't hardly any smoke in the air here in the valley, but the sky has looked different lately until this rainbow came out. 

4. This Sticker.

Love it.

5. These Edibles.

I'm starting to like the Drops watermelon jellies. They take the edge off of my anxiety issues and actually help me sleep. These contain 50mg THC and when cut into the appropriate serving size offers a 5mg THC hit. It's a nice replacement to my anxiety medication so far.

I also received the November Kiwi Eco Box this week, too. Since Yogi Surprise came to an end, I found Kiwi Eco Box and so far, I love it! Everything is environmentally friendly, minimal, and simple. You can sign up here!

Positive affirmations this week:

Have a nice weekend.

Five Simple Things (October 30)

 Hello.

Tomorrow is Halloween and we normally are getting ready to pick up a commercial cotton candy machine, and organizing our sugars, cones, bags, and Halloween décor to bring the trick-or-treaters in. We found that spinning cotton candy was a lot more fun and a lot cheaper for us. Halloween for the last six years have been us spinning cotton candy and getting a good arm workout in the process. But, with the Coronavirus pandemic and the wildfires here, we have decided to lay low this year and pass out candy. I stocked up on some organic suckers over the past two weeks and have plenty to give out. Hopefully, we get a few dozen trick-or-treaters this year, if not, we are going to be eating a lot of suckers the next few months. We are just in a weird place with everything in the world and I wouldn't blame anyone not wanting to go house to house and collect candy. We will definitely be wearing our masks the whole time, though. Here are five things this week. 

1. This Snail.

Slowly seeing more and more animals coming out of their hiding areas. For about a week there was a lot of random animals around the city; deer, a pack of coyotes, geese, birds of all kinds, a cougar, a lot of rabbits, raccoons, beavers, etc. They were running to escape the fire we were told. Then for about three months after seeing all of those it went quiet. No animals, not birds, nothing. We are starting to see them now more. I always feel sorry for animals during intense and stressful moments. They don't understand anything other than danger and try to run away from it. It makes me sad to think a lot of animals didn't make it to safety before the fire reached them. It's nice to hear the birds and see the other random animals out and about flourishing once again.

2. This Ride.

Skylar and I have been riding our bikes out to where Jeff works. It's about a 15 mile ride. Jeff put the bike rack on the back of his car and we end up loading our bikes up and driving back home. Hopefully, one of these days we'll be able to ride there and back, but for now, it's nice to just be able to do 15 miles and not feel like it's a struggle.

3. This History.

Found this interesting information on garden hermits and hedge witches. History is so great when it reveals hidden gems like this. Do you relate more the garden hermit or the hedge witch?

4. These Sunflowers.

We had to cut the beat up sunflowers this week and "save" them from just shriveling up and dying. A placed them in a large vase on the table and for now they will be pampered. It's unfortunately that we've had such a horrible summer this year, but at least they look nice for now.

5. These Prints.

While cleaning the windows of ash inside and outside from this past wildfires season I discovered these nose prints. I haven't cleaned this window since Meia died and those nose prints are hers. I teared up a bit, but it was nice to have a reminder of her in a random place. I miss her.

Yogi Surprise for October:

One last thing: Skylar and I started a podcast on true crime, serial killers/notable murders, hauntings, and ghostly occurrences. It's named Diablic Evil and we'd love for you to check it out. Our first episode aired on October 27 and is on H. H. Holmes. You can listen to episodes on most podcast platforms or from our website here, or our Anchor page here.

Positive affirmations this week:

Have a nice weekend.

Five Simple Things (June 19)

 Hello.

Another week of more progress. Got my stitches removed and there's pain with that, but overall it's nice to be able to move my arms without feeling a pulling and almost tearing sensation. My surgeron says everything is healing nicely, just slower than he would like. But, he says that's okay and to not rush it. I've had a slight pain on my right side, especially when I've been laying awhile and sit up. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so the pain there is intense enough to make me cry. My surgeon thinks it's just tissue getting replaced inside my body and not to worry. I had to get a second mammogram this week to make sure that the tissue wasn't dead, and it's completely normal tissue, just not sure where it's supposed to go, so that is a bit alarming. Otherwise, I feel fine and I'm sleeping more than three hours at a time. Three hours at a time may not seem like much, but it's progress to me. We're still staying afloat here while everything with the pandemic gets worked out in the world. Slowly, but surely we are trying to keep everything on time, but we have had to dip into our savings a lot lately. I don't like that and I hope that stress ends sooner than later. My surgery bill has made its way to our door now and so that is another thing to add to the list of "things to figure out during a pandemic." It will all be okay. I keep telling myself that. It's fine, we're fine, it's going to be fine. Here are five things this week.

1. This Tree.

Just getting outside for a bit of fresh air and sunshine has really helped my mood. With everything else going on, I really am trying to keep my mind focused on positive things. Some days are harder than others, but I'm striving for progress not perfection. 

2. This View.

With having a lot of time on my hand right now, Skylar and I were able to sort through the homeschool papers and school things to get ready for the year coming up. Skylar will be in the eleventh grade this coming school year and we are wanting to hit it with our feet running. We have a lot of past grade information that either needs to be filed away, or thrown away, so we tackled a lot of it this past week. Still have a ways to go, but it's a start. 

3. These Brownies.

Skylar and I made the Olive Oil Brownies from the New York Times, this week. I will say, I mostly observed while he made, but they are delicious and well worth the time.

4. This Hook.

 

Was missing Baz a bit this week, but it's nice to be able to see our Free Little Library hook in is honor. It's even nicer to see people come to the little box, hook their dog's leash to the hook, and look through the books. It really does make me smile. Baz loved walks and he, Skylar, and I have covered ever inch of this city. I cry when I think about those memories, because I'm sad that he is gone, but I can't help but delight in those memories, too. I miss him terribly and I know that he is watching me every day and helping me get through my rough days, just like I helped him toward the end. My blog is dedicated to him and to my cat Meia and I will never ever forget them, or the mark they made on me and the world. They continue to leave that mark, even if it's through a small metal hook on the side of a wooden box.

5. This Sleepy Kitty.

The way she covers her face when she's napping just melts my heart. She's been a little sweetheart this week, too. It's almost like she knows when I am hurting more than normal and likes to comfort me. Reminds me so much of Meia and I just love that.

Positive affirmations this week: "When the seasons change, what do you focus on?"

With the change of seasons I tend to look at it like a fresh start. 

*Spring is about learning: (Learning what you did wrong the following year, or season, and make those changes.)

*Summer is about celebration: (Celebrate what you've accomplished and celebrate the fact that you've come along way since last summer.)

*Autumn is about preparation: (Preparing for the coming winter season and being able to be as prepared as you can for anything that is coming your way until the summer comes again.)

*Winter is about reflection: (I used this time to reflect on how far I've come and reflect on all the good I did throughout the year. I try my best not to focus on the negative or bad things, but sometimes they rear their ugly head and I deal with them head on. I am not a carpet sweeper. I handle things directly and the best way they suit me.) 

I hope these tips help you, too.

Have a nice weekend.